2014 Resolutions

1. Set up my Vision board and Gratitude Jar
2. Do something good for my body everyday (yoga, spinning, juicing, smiling, yup all of it!)
3. Say Thank You before I get out of bed in the morning. (say it really LOUD if Darren's not home)
4. Keep my gratitude journal and prayer book
5. Go somewhere I've never been before (Europe? Maybe this is our year?)
6. Stop feeling guilty if I miss yoga if I truly didn't have time to go. (But also don't be lazy. Go when I have time)
7. Cross something off my bucket list (skydiving maybe? hmmmm…)
8.Keep on journaling and blogging (or at least be more consistent)
9. Help Strangers in need (don't just think about doing it. just act.)
10. Conquer a fear (going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, in the dark.)
11. Shop and Eat locally (as much as I can)
12. Explore NYC
13. Go solo to an event (instead of skipping it altogether because I can't find someone to go with)
14. Say more "Good Mornings" and "Hellos" to people =)
15. Always come from a loving and grateful perspective.

Here's to 2013

Wow, what a year! If 2012 was my final exam (more on that later), then 2013 might be the start of something really exciting! I learned so much!! I never felt more love or gratitude for my life and the Universe! And I was ecstatic through most of the year. Everything from my personal life to my career felt like it was building itself from the ground up. It was as if 2012 tore down all of my old habits, preconceived notions, and way of life; allowing 2013 to come in and teach me how to rebuild a better, stronger, smarter, more resilient, and more positive version of myself. And I could not be more grateful! Now the Happiness Project is really starting to roll!

Here are some highlights from 2013:

-New Year's Eve at Corner Social
-Sass N' Betties putting on "CCCG All Stars Revue"
-UNO magazine cover, and going to the Philippines with JJ
-Being studio manager at Nova New York
-Teaching at Harlem Yoga
-Looking at and planning to buy a place with Darren
-Lizzie.
-Adding Jenna and Tif to Team Sass
-Sass N' Betties Mondays at The Producer's Club
-Betel and the Betel family
-Mommy coming to visit
-Falling in love with Dana and The Laughing Lotus family
-Date night at Koi
-Hannah's in Tennessee with Jules and Doug. Epic.
-Wedding season with The Lathams and The Passets
-Day dates with Tina
-Afternoon karaoke
-Birthday Bowling and Sushi Seki
-Anniversary trip to Canada
-Learning how to take over the world with Jacqui
-Making Mallory and JJ my business partners
-MTV Guy Code
-Christmas and Thanksgiving for two
-SoulCycle addiction


Some things I learned

-I learned how to communicate with the people I love
-I learned how to fight fair and uplift the other person no matter what
-I learned how to let sh*t go
-I learned not to sweat the small stuff and to pick my battles
-I learned how to be my own support system
-I learned how to maintain my happiness
-I learned that if I don't mind, it doesn't matter
-I learned how to learn from negativity, rather than get rolled up into it
-I learned how to say thank you every morning
-I learned how to trust the Universe
-I learned how to be a more genuine friend
-I learned how to cultivate the relationship I have with my Self
-I learned how to pray, and how to listen.

Thank you 2013. You've been extremely good to me. =)

Mommy's NYC trip

Another wonderful month spent with my Mom visiting NYC. She says this is the best trip she's ever taken to New York (because she didn't spend half the the time helping us pack and move lol!). This was also the best visit that I've ever spent with her. She came with a loving heart, a positive attitude, and no baggage (physical and emotional). She was free as a bird, and was open to whatever life had to throw at her. It was such a fresh sight to see. For as long as I've known her (which is forever, in my case), my mom has always carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Always taking care of others and putting others' needs before her own. This time, it was just her, with no attachments. And it was a pleasure to witness and partake in her new found solo journey!

We did yoga (a lot of yoga). We ate good food (both homemade and store bought). We traipsed around the city in our stylish yogawear. We talked and laughed a lot. We prayed. We gave thanks. And we spent a lot of time being glued to each other (Lizzie, Mom and me spent most nights sharing my queen sized bed). In addition, we also celebrated her birthday here for the very first time! She got a beautiful new pinky ring (thanks to Lizzie's fabulous manfriend). Then we dolled her up to the nines, put her in  pair of sky high stilettos (which she could only sit in), and took her out for a fancy dinner (thanks to my awesome manfriend)! And by 11pm, we were all back at home, snuggling up comfortably in our pjs. She said it was the perfect birthday! I would have to agree.

Thirty days really flew by. I put her on a plane yesterday, and all I could think about was how much we still haven't done together. My mom is my sunshine and my joy, and I could spend day and night with her! Every day spent with her is a happy one, and this happiness is continuously heightened because all we talk about is happiness and how grateful we are to be happy!

So here is a huge thank you to all of the people, establishments, places, ideas, random things that we came across in the last thirty days:

THANK YOU....

-Harlem
-FiDi
-Darren
-Shawn
-Lizzie
-Jordanna
-Mallory
-Lisa
-Tiffany
-Jenna
-Sass N' Betties
-Laughing Lotus family
-Dana Flynn
-The Producers Club and Freddie
-Spa Castle
-Asiate
-Chinatown
-Hong Kong Supermarket
-that nail salon we went to get our blinged out mani-pedis
-Six Flags
-Luna Park
-MTA
-MTA performers
-random hot dog vendor with the crunch onion topping
-Forever 21
-Old Navy
-Nova New York
-Harlem Yoga
-Juniper Park
-PPTV
-Minions from 'Despicable Me' beee-do, beee-do, beee-do...
-Pioneer supermarket
-Union Square farmer's market
-Container Store
-Breville Juicer
-'Hungry for Change'
-'Happy' Documentary
-Positive Psychology with Tal
-our Gratitude journals
-our Sutra books
-that paper store where we bought our journals
-Sephora's birthday gifts
-Wagyu


And I'm sure I'm missing a few more, but THANK YOU to everyone and everything that made my mommy's visit such a splendiferous one!! There is only one way to live, and that is to live a life full of happiness, gratitude, and love!

#loving you, loving life

Forgiveness? (part I)

When people asked, I always told them that She is the most genuine friend I have. She was one of my best friends from home, and after college, She moved to New York, and we continued our friendship into young adulthood. Most of my college friends mistook her naivety for ignorance, and her positivity for arrogance. But no one ever swayed my mind about her. She was always there for me, and I would always be there for her.

Five years ago, all that changed. She and I stopped speaking. It happened quite literally overnight, and though there were other unfortunate events happening between my inner circle and I, She and my disassociation took me completely by surprise. It was a sucker punch; I totally didn't see it coming. And what was worse, was that I had no idea why She stopped being my friend.

Life continued on, and I am happy to say that I've turned out alright. I've built a new life for myself, based on my values and my beliefs, and everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Sure, there have been a few detours and setbacks, but my unyielding faith in Fate always puts me back on track. I've come to learn a lot about myself and the kind of person I was, am, and want to be.

I've had some time to contemplate on being mindful. I didn't always practice mindfulness, but I make it a conscious effort to adhere to it now. I've always operated from a right vs. wrong perspective, and had more pride in my heart than love. Now I see that what's right isn't always what's good. I can argue my point until I rule the world, but sometimes, the good thing is to just let it go and start fresh. I admit that though I am working on coming from a more mindful and loving place, the old me will always want to give my two cents. I'm always going to have a weak spot for gossip and drama no matter how "lovingly" it's masked (and they will always try to reel me into their vicious circle), but in the long run it serves no one. I don't want to hold on to the past anymore, and I can only hope that She will let it go too. So I'm going to try for being a better friend. A more honest friend, a more forgiving friend, and a more loving friend.

The hard part to happiness

"Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy"

This was a line that Gretchen Rubin touched on in "The Happiness Project" and it is something that I've begun pondering myself. We must put forth the effort, then let it go, so that the progress can manifest. I talk about this in my yoga classes a lot. Sometimes either the effort or the letting go part can be 'not so happy.' But like breaking bad habits in order to form good ones, we must stay diligent in the pursuit of our happiness, even if we run into a few snags along the way. Just remember to always look at the bigger picture, then the journey will make sense.

Why the HP?

So I'm currently reading 'The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin, and though this is the second time that I am attempting this book, this time it's actually beginning to sink in.

Gretchen Rubin's scientific and research based approach to her happiness has inspired me to do the same. That paired with "Happy" the documentary, and I'm practically hooked on cultivating my own secret formula to happiness.

First, I have to start with: "What makes Elle happy?" and the answer is quite simple, it's love. But then it starts to get complicated, when the joy comes from 'being in love.'

I'm the happiest when I am in a relationship. This is pretty much an unavoidable part of my make up. I've tried for years to embrace single-dom; to "fly solo," but it just doesn't compare to sharing my life with someone I'm in love with. But I started to notice patterns and habits, as each relationship (there haven't been that many) would ride out it's course, and eventually come to a close. Some ended bittersweetly, while others downright crashed and burned. And it wasn't until my last train wreck of a partnership hit the fan, did I begin to really examine the patterns and break the habits. But before I could do that, I had to really look within myself to see what part I played in love's demise (because let's face it, it's not always the heartless other party's fault. And this is very hard to admit, much less declare in written form).

I came up with a pattern/habit list. As I cannot speak for anyone else but myself, the list pertains to me. Here goes:

-I fall hard and fast, and lose my head the minute I decide I love someone.
-if it's not passionate and full of drama, it's not love.
-once a relationship starts, the part that is Elle becomes smaller and smaller.
-I'm a 'we' person, and I tend to forget about the 'I' person.
-I ignore red flags, because I believe I can change people.
-I like to control others, which sometimes can lead to mental and emotional suffocation.
-once I'm in love, the confident, easygoing, independent girl turns into a jealous, overbearing, insecure one.
-when the end is near, I'm usually so mentally lost and emotionally exhausted, that I can't decide if I should stay or leave.
-I can't let go
-I beat the dead horse

My mother used to warn me against falling in love. She always said that 'the minute I fall in love, I stop being cute, and start being crazy.' So she would tell me to try and keep my 'dosage of thunderous love' at a bare minimum.

As I examined and poured over these habits and patterns, I figured out the main culprit: I relied on the relationship to make me happy. So ultimately, I was relinquishing the driver's seat of my own happiness to whoever it was that I fell in love with. Not very smart. No wonder why I was getting lost. I wasn't the one driving!!

Now don't get me wrong, relationships aren't all bad, but it shouldn't be the defining state of my happiness. Yes, I love being someone's girlfriend, but I also just want to be happy as Elle too.

So here I am, back in the driver's seat. And although I am currently in a very happy relationship, this happiness project will be about me, and how I plan on sustaining my happiness, no matter what happens.

Where to begin?

Here's a start... 

1/14/13

I've noticed a change in myself that I haven't before. This loving relationship that I am currently in; it's not all hearts and flowers like I'm used to, though it has its moments. But every time I'm about the throw the towel in and complain for the lack thereof, something happens internally that causes me to take a look at the big picture. And ninety nine percent of the time, the lack of "hearts and flowers" make way for truth and clarity.

But I guess in order to understand how my actions have changed, it is important to understand how they used to be. It used to be that I would fall 'head over heels' for the person. Every single person I've been with was 'The One.' The first few months were filled with compliments and best behaviors. We were the two most accommodating people on the planet, or at least I was, ready and willing to compromise my most deeply held values in order to complement my partner. 

In the book "The Yoga of Relationships." Yogi Desai writes that "The mind can be our worst enemy or our closest friend. It is our choice to use the body and the mind as tools to explore both our human and spiritual potential… It is not beneath our mind to lie to us. Im fact, it lies more often than not. The body - if we listen closely - never lies." As we grow older, our mind uses itself and the body as tools to manipulate pain-avoiding and pleasure-seeking circumstances. 'Pleasure nourishes; but pleasure-seeking malnourishes'"

Two months ago, when I wrote this journal entry, I tapped into a fairly unexplored part of my psyche. The part that seeks out truth, and listens openly and honestly to everything around it. The non-ego part. 

I noticed a shift in my thoughts and feelings, and later, in my actions and reactions. The habits and defense mechanisms that I spent the better part of my life building, stopped working. And after plowing through all of the mind-stuff debris, I was left with one question: What makes Elle happy? 

Thus begins my quest for a happiness that is unique and individual. A happiness that cannot be duplicated nor stolen. A happiness that for once, will be all my own.