The path to happiness is not alway happy.... Ain't that the truth (finally posted on 4/12/15)

It's about 10pm and usually I'm getting ready for bed and clearing my head for the day to ensure a good night's rest. But I just got off of a rather tense phone conversation with my best friend. My mom.

In order for what I'm about to say to make sense, it would help to understand that we've been working mutually on finding and maintaining our individual levels of happiness. Most recently, we've been seeking out the teachings of Dr. Tal's Positive Psychology. It would also help to understand that my mom and I have often done projects like this together, from "The Secret" to author Brian Weiss to Buddhist philosophy. We're a bit hippie and new age that way.

However, she started off the conversation tonight by telling me how sad she felt. She feels that although I have promised her that I would do the work and listen to Dr. Tal's lectures, take notes, then give her my written feedback, I've yet to deliver on my end of the bargain. Naturally my instinct was to counter her accusation with some form of "I have been doing the work, I've just been behind on getting my notes to you." And as I began my counter argument, something inside told me to stop and just listen (something I rarely do with her, can you tell that I'm stubborn?). My inner voice told me that this cycle always begins and ends the same way, so what would happen if I just sucked it up and listened for a change? So I ended up keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself and letting her continue on. And although a few of her harsh criticisms struck very sensitive chords in me, I also learned an invaluable lesson. 

A lot of what my mom had to say was true. I am behind on my "self work" and it is due to no other reason than the fact that I've just simply fallen behind. She's right that I need to whip myself into change if I want to yield results, and in essence hold myself accountable for all of my shortcomings. Yet, her delivery gave off the sense that she was the one holding me accountable. Most of it was hard to hear, but I knew she needed to say it, and for the most part, I needed to hear it. 

Needless to say, the conversation ended on a less than ideal note, but at least we weren't disagreeing with each other until kingdom come. And now I'm left with a bad taste in my mouth, and the need to hide under my covers and type all this out on my phone, so that I could find some sense of relief. 

In the end, I have to thank my mom again for 'keeping it real' and keeping me in check. Also, I have to remind myself that the path to happiness is not always happy. But man, it's not easy not feeling completely drained, discouraged, and useless after one of these chats. Just when I think I'm one step ahead of the game, my mom reminds me that it's still 'not enough.' Well, I guess that's why she's my mom, and why we're doing this 'happiness project' together.

Goodnight Universe, sleep tight. And thanks for listening.

*This post was first written almost a year ago (7/18/14). As I re-read and post it now, I am amazed by how far I've come on this journey or Positivity and Happiness. And I have to say THANK YOU to my awesome mother for not resting until I got the point! And now, I get to share this journey with my mom everyday, and we no longer have to do it over the phone! Thank you Universe! You are AMAZING!

What do I want?

I woke up this morning with an incredible urge to write something down. After the conversation with my mom last night (which took me a good night's sleep to process), I've put aside the feeling of being criticized, and began looking deeper. Deeper at her words? Deeper at my thoughts? I don't know. Just deeper. So maybe this list can bring about some clarification, and hopefully… Change.

-I want to travel. But not just travel for travel's sake. I want to immerse myself in culture, food, and all things new. So maybe it's less that I want to travel, but more like I want to explore.

-I want the study with the great philosophers and teachers in Yoga, Spirituality, Positive Psychology, and Happiness. I want to attend trainings and workshops, and dive headfirst into the in-depth study of the human life, and the human purpose.

-I want to touch people. Whether it's through a yoga class, or with a song and dance. I want to connect with people and make them smile.

-I want to make MONEY DOING what I LOVE: performing, writing, teaching, building, creating, changing, representing…

-I want to build a home and family with my love.

-I want to be close to my family, whether it's living near each other, or visiting often. And I want to travel to Taiwan and Guam at least once a year.

-I want to have more faith in myself and my abilities. I want to believe in myself the way I did when I was seventeen years old.

-I want to have the kind of passion that drives people to do great things!

-I want to live a life full of happiness and gratitude, and I want to spread the practice of happiness and gratitude with everyone around me.

In the Details

“Life is not meant to be wasted.” A phrase we hear often, but too often forget to adhere to. I used to think that in order to not waste life, I always had to be chasing something. But sometimes, I would be so engulfed in reaching the end result, that I would forget the journey completely. Then I would reach the end, and wonder what the point was.

I came to Taiwan with a very simple goal…. to be with the people I love and be present for every moment of it. Sometimes, the being present part was hard, especially when the unforgiving sun would scorch my skin and all I wanted to do was be back in my air conditioned Manhattan apartment, or when tensions rose sky high in our very cozy Zhu Bei home.

Then there was the collective goal that my guru (aka my mom) and I intended for our family trip. Long story short, we set out on a mission to try and spread the word of happiness and our current obsession: positive psychology. Armed with books, videos, gratitude jars, journals, and more vegetables and fruits for juicing than you can imagine, we were determined to change lives.  With only three weeks to “chip away the excess stone,” time was definitely not our best friend.

We started out on a fully charged battery pack of motivation and intention.  As first, excitement ran high and everyone’s positive energy made our mission fairly easy to carry out. One of the first nights that I was in Taipei, us five ladies sat in a tiny café and shared a bottle of wine while sharing each of our individual life altering stories, and why we are on this journey towards a living a happier life. So the goal started out easy, then routines broke and schedules caught up with us. We started running out of time to juice in the morning, because we were already running late for the next engagement. My yoga mat stayed rolled out by my bedside, but I’d be lying if I said I was able to get on it everyday. Soon enough our fully charged battery pack was running on fumes, and the feelings of sluggish-ness started to set in. Turned out this goal wasn’t so easy to reach after all.

It was in those moments of weakness and frustration that my perspective started to shift. I started to ask “What am I missing?” And right there, in the heat, and the rich food, and the high-speed rail, and the rushing, and the talking, and the listening, and the praying, I found my answer. I was missing the details.  I was getting so caught up with how I wanted this journey to go, that I wasn’t allowing the journey to unfold on its own.

So I let go.

I let go of what I expected to happen, and just let the FLOW take over. And it was only after I let go, that things started falling into place. I began enjoying the burgers for breakfast, the gentle breeze on a muggy day, the freedom of not wearing makeup, and the three showers I was taking everyday. Mom finally acquiesced to reading “Eat, Pray, Love” and fortunately got her hands on a Chinese version. Interestingly, on my last day, Auntie Pechuan and I went looking for that book, but found “The Happiness Project” instead. It was as if the books that fell into their laps, arrived at just the right time! I found myself inserting bits of wisdom into moments that I shared with my loved ones. I discovered that this sparked their interest more than when I would dominate entire conversations with positive psychology jargon.  Turns out, this was what Dr. Tal was talking about when he talked about bridging the ‘ivory tower’ and ‘main street.’ People need to relate to the topic first before they willingly subscribe to whatever book, video, or thought you’re selling them. Otherwise, they’ll just smile and accept whatever it is you’re trying to give them, and then let it gather dust on some back shelf somewhere.

Then, just to make sure that I was fully putting my trust in the Universe, I decided to let go of the results too. This was a bit more difficult, because it meant accepting that some of my loved ones would walk away with this newfound insight, and some of them will not.  But this is necessary, because everyone has to put in the effort and do the homework. After all, everyone has to find their “David” on their own. And this “chipping away” is a lifelong process that is exciting and fun and full of … well… LIFE!

After three weeks (that passed by too quickly), two beautiful sightseeing getaways, one bout of heatstroke, and countless moments of laughter and love, I’m happy to say that I’ve accomplished my mission. I came to Taiwan with a goal to share my insights on happiness with the people I love, and I walked away learning that happiness isn’t an end result, it’s in every moment and every breath we take. It’s in the details, because God and Love are right there… in the details.

An Open Letter to Mom and Dad

My Friend Kris' Dad passed away today. And as I was reading the beautifully written eulogy. I was overcome with great emotion. I knew Uncle Grant enough to know that he was an incredible person. His positivity and unparalleled zest for life was contagious. And he loved his family, and treasured every single moment he got to spend with them. This I learned from my many slumber parties at Kris' house when we were young, as well as into college when her family would visit nyc. Ever since I learned of his diagnosis, something inside me started to shift my perception of life.  It started with a rekindling of my friendship with Kris, yet every time the subject of her family came up, I would start to sob uncontrollably.

Then it dawned on me, that what I was feeling goes beyond my sympathy for Kris and her family, but rather a deeper look at my own family. 

Mom and Dad (and Lizzie, Louis, and Grandpa/ma on both sides), we've overcome many deep rooted differences in these last few years. But it's time for us to pry ourselves away from the negative and really let go of the past. We have the perfect opportunity in the next few weeks to be together, and I would like for us to really be a family again. Not just a family for show, but a truly talking, sharing, laughing together family. And I want us to give ourselves the permission to let our guard down and be open and honest with one another. After all, who better to see you at your most vulnerable, than the people who love you the most right? 

I look at Kris's family, and what saddens me the most is that their family time was cut short not by choice, but by circumstance. And I look at our family, and more often that not, our activities as a WHOLE family (and not just me, mom, and Lizzie) are done more often out of obligation than desire. And I'll admit, most of the time, we just don't try hard enough. 

So let us try to be a family again, Let us use our trip to Taiwan to strengthen our bond. We are very blessed and very lucky. Let's acknowledge this gift from the Universe and act on it now. I love you all, and thank you for being my family! 

Be Happy, Be Healthy,

Elle Randall

"Let it be easy." 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Kris Paul
Date: Tue, Jun 10, 2014 at 12:12 PM
Subject: Grant Paul, 1960-2014
To: Kris Paul

Grant Paul, a photographer for over 30 years, orchestrated his last family portrait from his wheelchair on a trail outside of Midwest Hospice Care Center days before he passed, on June 10, 2014 at 7:05am.  He was 53.  Grant was surrounded by his wife, Thelma, his children, Kristina and her husband Scott, Tano and Taylor, brother Wade Paul, sister-in-law and husband Elsie and Paul Souder, his nephew Christian Souder, Monsignor David Quitigua, and countless others in spirit.

Grant was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer in November of 2012 and fought valiantly for his life, undergoing grueling chemotherapy and radiation treatments in Illinois, for 18 months.  He is remembered for his unwavering zest for life and his gift of photography, passions only eclipsed by the unconditional love he had for his family.

Grant will be laid to rest on Wednesday, June 11, 2014.  Funeral services will be held at 8:00am at Strang Funeral Chapel located at 410 East Belvidere Road, Grayslake, IL 60030.  Burial and final prayer service will follow at Ascension Catholic Cemetery in Libertyville, IL.  Cards and flowers may be sent to the funeral home.

With love,

The Paul Family

Grant Paul, October 1, 1960 - June 10, 2014

A break in the middle of the week.

OMG!!! First day off in over a week!! woohooo!!!!

And instead of sleeping in like a normal person, I got up earlier than normal, rolled out of bed, onto my mat (which is literally next to my bed), put on some Lotus on Demand and flowed! Yes, yoga is the best way to wake up! The birds chirped in the background, the sun rose from the window behind me, and I was dancing away on my mat, peeling off layers of clothing as I went (because I'm home and if I want to do some naked yoga, I will!).

Lately, I've been bogged down with feelings of lack. I don't know where they came from, but they've been really grinding on me. Thank you for today's practice being focused on ABUNDANCE! I needed to remember that and remind myself of it! The shift really came through as I wound down my practice and came into my paschimotanasana (seated forward fold). I'm always preaching the act of surrendering and letting go during this pose, and today, it could not have been more put into practice!

Thank you Universe for teaching me the value of hard work. Thank you for giving me a beautiful day off. Thank you for the insight to practice first thing in the morning!

Loving Lizzie (A prayer on sisterhood)

I love my sister. I miss my sister. I appreciate my sister. No one can ever replace my sister.

Recently I've been battling some feelings of regret. Regret that I wasn't nicer, kinder, or more loving to my sister when we were growing up. I think back on the times I forbade her to join me and my friends, when I guilt tripped her for things beyond her control, and when I was just downright mean, and I feel a great sense of remorse.

In the last couple of years, my sister and I have bonded in a way that only soul mates can understand. Our individual circumstances allowed us to discover a newfound respect and admiration for each other. I began to see my sister in a different light. I saw the hidden heartache she carried with her, because she was always compared to me. I saw the sacrifices she made, so that I could achieve more. I saw her quiet strength and resilience that were always overshadowed by my prettier and better packaged image.
My sister is my hero, and she is my greatest teacher. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize this, but I promise never to cast her aside again.

For everyone who shares a bond with a sibling, don't wait for a moment of clarity or some big event to begin appreciating them. Love them and cherish them today, and everyday forth. Thank you Lizzie for being my sister. I'm glad you're mine.

Love is an Open Door

I slept in this morning and woke up to my usual Facebook/text/email checking self. I know deep down inside that I should start my day with gratitude and a smile, and I am grateful a smiley-faced, but my urge to immediately connect with the world outside world somehow always wins out. So inevitably, the  "thank you's" always come after the phone checking. But this morning, a different sensation took over. I mean, I still checked my phone first, but this morning I decided to stop judging myself for it. Now this wasn't my way of giving myself a "get out of jail free" card, I just wasn't gonna beat myself up in my mind anymore. Instead, I was gonna action. 

So I put my phone down, slapped the biggest grin on my face, and yelled out twenty one "thank you's" (The Secret Scrolls say you only need to say it seven times in a row, so I was off to a good start). Then I jumped out of bed, greeted the amazing sunshine, drank a tall glass of water, took a hot shower, did some light stretching on my mat, meditated, then settled down to write it all down. And the whole time, played the Disney Pandora Station. 

Usually I would mentally kick my butt and analyze my day for a significant amount of time before getting out of bed, but I've decided that this take action route is going to yield more results. What those results are you ask? I don't know yet. All I know is I spend too much time in my head and not enough time actioning on the things in my head. For example, I have a million blogs and ideas lined up in there, just waiting to be shared, but because I sound so much time perfecting them in my head, they never get typed (so I actually have no idea where all of this is going, all I know is that it's going). So here's a starting list of things I want to write about:

-My mommy's February in NYC and LA

-Lizzie

-An almost daily Happiness Project free-write

-documenting my Positive Psychology Youtube lectures with Dr. Tal

-How to let go

-Yoga and why it's awesome!

So there's my start. I've spent too much time on trying to perfect my life (in my head) and how I put myself out there, but not enough time just "going for it!" And maybe I even care too much of what people think. Well, I hope we can all think positively of each other. Period.

Okay UNIVERSE!! This is my first entry of my "Love is an Open Door" philosophy (Thanks 'Frozen')! I'm ready! Let's do this!

*It's in my nature to start things on significant dates, so it's perfect that tomorrow is the first day of Lent. So I'm giving up my self judging and over-analytical mind for forty days (hopefully longer). And while we're at it, I'm going to give up trying to control the future too! =) I'm going to commit to the goals I've set for myself, and stick to it as best I can!