The path to happiness is not alway happy.... Ain't that the truth (finally posted on 4/12/15)

It's about 10pm and usually I'm getting ready for bed and clearing my head for the day to ensure a good night's rest. But I just got off of a rather tense phone conversation with my best friend. My mom.

In order for what I'm about to say to make sense, it would help to understand that we've been working mutually on finding and maintaining our individual levels of happiness. Most recently, we've been seeking out the teachings of Dr. Tal's Positive Psychology. It would also help to understand that my mom and I have often done projects like this together, from "The Secret" to author Brian Weiss to Buddhist philosophy. We're a bit hippie and new age that way.

However, she started off the conversation tonight by telling me how sad she felt. She feels that although I have promised her that I would do the work and listen to Dr. Tal's lectures, take notes, then give her my written feedback, I've yet to deliver on my end of the bargain. Naturally my instinct was to counter her accusation with some form of "I have been doing the work, I've just been behind on getting my notes to you." And as I began my counter argument, something inside told me to stop and just listen (something I rarely do with her, can you tell that I'm stubborn?). My inner voice told me that this cycle always begins and ends the same way, so what would happen if I just sucked it up and listened for a change? So I ended up keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself and letting her continue on. And although a few of her harsh criticisms struck very sensitive chords in me, I also learned an invaluable lesson. 

A lot of what my mom had to say was true. I am behind on my "self work" and it is due to no other reason than the fact that I've just simply fallen behind. She's right that I need to whip myself into change if I want to yield results, and in essence hold myself accountable for all of my shortcomings. Yet, her delivery gave off the sense that she was the one holding me accountable. Most of it was hard to hear, but I knew she needed to say it, and for the most part, I needed to hear it. 

Needless to say, the conversation ended on a less than ideal note, but at least we weren't disagreeing with each other until kingdom come. And now I'm left with a bad taste in my mouth, and the need to hide under my covers and type all this out on my phone, so that I could find some sense of relief. 

In the end, I have to thank my mom again for 'keeping it real' and keeping me in check. Also, I have to remind myself that the path to happiness is not always happy. But man, it's not easy not feeling completely drained, discouraged, and useless after one of these chats. Just when I think I'm one step ahead of the game, my mom reminds me that it's still 'not enough.' Well, I guess that's why she's my mom, and why we're doing this 'happiness project' together.

Goodnight Universe, sleep tight. And thanks for listening.

*This post was first written almost a year ago (7/18/14). As I re-read and post it now, I am amazed by how far I've come on this journey or Positivity and Happiness. And I have to say THANK YOU to my awesome mother for not resting until I got the point! And now, I get to share this journey with my mom everyday, and we no longer have to do it over the phone! Thank you Universe! You are AMAZING!